Along with all these big decisions I have been making and this revival of my authentic self, I was asked to share my experience strength and hope at a meeting tonight. I am excited and a little scared. The last time I went to this meeting in Burbank was the last time I spoke at it and I felt like I did a poor job.
The same challenges that have been plaguing me recently were what came up then. "How do I tell my story in a way they will all still like me"- or- "that doesn't make the other people involved hate me- or that doesn't make anyone look bad..." What I have been learning lately is all I can be responsible for is how I feel- not how others will react. So the best I can do is be honest, authentic and let the words that are supposed to come, flow out of my mouth. I know I am guided everyday to do the right thing, as long as I get out of my own way and do it.
So when my class this week ended a little early- 5pm instead of 5:30p - and I was done catching up on work by 6pm, I went straight to the gym to walk it out. I got on a treadmill and watched Larry King (without sound) concede "Twitter"ing defeat to Ashton Kutcher as he sat next to Puff Daddy. It was a little surreal, but it was a way to put my body in motion and clear out my head. It was a chance to meditate on what I would say and then let it go. It was a chance to let go of the expectation that anyone else would be there to root me on.
I have been doing a lot of things for myself lately (but not by myself) and it has been empowering. I am looking forward to tonight.
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