16 miles- Thanks, Easter Bunny- Bwok Bwok!

I tried to get more walks in this week-but it just didn't work out. I KNEW that since I missed my long run over my b-day weekend, I HAD to try to get in this weekend's. Looking at my training plan, this week 4/6-4/12 is week #10 of my 16 week official training and was to be a 5/8/5 then 16 mile week.

This week had been an incredibly difficult one. Following our show on Sat night for my b-day I was feeling in credibly exhausted with the whole band thing. I felt like I was taking on too much- promoter, manager, den mom and trying to be creative talent on top of that. It wasn't working. I was getting stressed out. I was upset that everyone wasn't behaving exactly the way I wanted to (like that would ever happen anyway) and I realized I wasn't expressing what I needed, what I wanted with my music and therefore it was stifling me from being able to write new stuff. I realized I was getting a little sick over it, too. I was feeling run down all the time, getting pains in my head and feeling a little sick to my stomach. The biggest thing was the feeling I was overwhelmed- all the time- and then dreading the commitment I had made to rehearse 3x a week. I was exhausted.

Well I spoke to several trusted people in my life and tried to figure out if I should just take a break from the band, or what. I know this was all my own doing- but I didn't know how to undo it without taking action. Ultimately, what I decided was that I needed to quit. To just step out completely for myself. While it was sticky- because I do this thing with my husband, but I cannot make a decision for him- I feel like it was the right move for me right now. That's what a lot of this marathon training has helped me decide- what is right for me RIGHT NOW. So I have stepped out. I think the guys are taking a break- but I have stepped out. They might continue with the name and a new singer to write new music and I cannot wait to see what they do. I wish them all the luck in the world. God Bless.

Speaking of tough decisions, I had more to make. With today being Easter, I didn't know when I would be able to squeeze my run in. I was supposed to go with my husband to my sister-in-law's for Easter ham and an exercise in holding my tongue. I thought we had to be there between 2-3pm, so I might be able to get my run (which I anticipated would take 5 hrs) in during the morning. I had been out the night before a little late with friends after a meeting, so I was planning on setting the alarm and try to do it all.

When I talked to my husband as we went to sleep- he said we actually had to be there between 12-12:30p. That changed it all. How could I fit in 5 hours around that time? It wasn't possible. I expressed that to him and he actually said... "well if you cant make it tomorrow, that's ok." and instead of me ignoring that and assuming I HAD to be there for him, I made a decision for me. I said "Are you sure? It would mean a lot to me to have that time for myself." He said "I'll miss you, but I'll understand." It was like I was given a pass- and this time- I actually took it. I love him so much for understanding and not resenting me for taking him up on it.

Next thing I had to do was figure out where to go. I decided to try to combine my cat sitting for a friend in Pasadena with my walk. I packed up a backpack with my iPod, phone, ID, money, water, Gatorade, granola bar and skittles. This was to be my longest run so far, so I had to be ready- ready like a squirrel is ready for winter. I mapped out a route that took me down Huntington onto Main, into Alhambra, left on Atlantic and into Pasadena on Los Robles- then left on Colorado pas Paseo Colorado (where I made a quick pit stop) and through Old Town Pas, then down Arroyo to my friend's house. That was 10.3 miles.

I stopped, pulled off my knee braces, took care of the cats, fed them, cleaned sandboxes and took out trash. 1 hour later, I had put one of my knee braces in my backpack, since my leg was already getting a painful rash from the shifting brace. The backpack had gotten lighter over the trip with me finishing the Gatorade and some of the water- but it was still hurting my shoulders a bit. As I left her house, I got into the most beautiful part of the walk, down the Arroyo.

I walked under Oak, Elms and Pines, smelled jasmine, honeysuckle and spring blossoms and actually saw a bunny poke its head out from a bush. An EASTER Bunny! I weaved my way on Arroyo drive and then down along the stables and the golf course. I walked up a hill that took me to Pasadena Ave and ultimately to my hill on Monterey. As I reached the peak of that hill, amongst the trash, I saw a child's school craft- a pair of bunny ears- laying along the road. 'Thanks, Easter Bunny- bwok bwok!' and I had to smile.

I saw children still searching for Easter eggs with the baskets, little ones in pretty Easter dresses with their parents and grandparents and I felt myself smiling with pride. Feeling the rebirth that this holiday is representative of. I wished them Happy Easter as I walked on listening to the birds with one ear and Madonna with the other. (I walk with only one ear bud in these days so I have a beat- but am tuned in to the world around me).

I was tired, but felt SO GOOD for taking the day for myself, to do something positive for myself, to allow myself to be filled with memories of Easter with my Grandma and mom, to smile and laugh at the birds and the bunnies and feel love for the world around me. To spend the day feeling open and loving instead of protective, restrained and cynical- which would have been the alternative.

When I got home it was a little after 5pm and I was beat- I had finished another 6.1 miles- making the trip a total of 16.4miles. I didn't even care about the Lance Armstrong announcement I knew was coming, I just took off my headphones and figured I would upload the mileage later. My feet hurt on the outside edges, my knees aches under the caps, the heat rash on my calves and behind my knees was brutal- even though I had put powder on underneath the braces. I immediately showered and thanked my husband for freeing me of the day's responsibilities (since he had just arrived home). Then I sat in the recliner in front of the TV and ate a big plate of leftover ham, green beans and mashed potatoes.

All was well. It was truly a rebirth day.