"I can't lie... you got some nice curves"

I came into this run with some major doubts. I was getting anxious about the race and telling myself I wasn't prepared enough. I hadn't RUN enough (of what I decided to walk). I was going to let myself down. I wouldn't finish. I hadn't even lost any weight during this!
That last one was when I stopped myself and recognized the irrationality of it all. I wrote about it. I reached out to a friend and I prayed that I would have the strength to put one foot in front of the other and just DO IT.
And that is exactly what I did. I took a trek down Huntington into El Sereno proper and explored part of the city I live in that I had never walked. And for the first time in two months- I ran. I probably ran a good 2/5ths of the whole 8.55 miles which was great. My knees aren't swollen now and I didn't overdo it- but I DID it. I tried.
I went up some hills I didn't expect, having never been in this side of the city, saw a run over kitty (poor kitty, god bless) and got hit on by someone who scared the crap out of me.
My primary goal was to find out where a neighborhood pool that a friend swims at, was located. I found a path online that would take this round trip (which could have been 3 miles) to 8miles (and ended up 8.55). It took me down Huntington to Eastern, then I went right and left again and cut down a little street parallel to Huntington called Navarro. I took that street as it wound around and ended up on Poplar, cutting into Alhambra. I alternated walking an running as I went and listened to NPR- Wait Wait Don't tell me. It was between 11am- 12pm.
I made a right on Orange Grove (not the one in Pasadena, but in Emery Park Track, in Alhambra) till it dead ended at Concord Ave. I turned right on Concord Ave and followed it to Alhambra Rd. That turn to Alhambra road is where I saw the kitty. It was orange like my Kiki but still and sadly killed in the cross walk.
This part of Alhambra is very industrial, lots of big warehouses, muffler shops and auto body/ paint places. The traffic was flowing fast. I took every opportunity going downhill to jog. I saw the sign for Lombardy and knew I would be taking a right on that street. I had never been here before- not even driving. I turned the corner and started going up a hill I didn't expect. I guess I should have expected hills- I mean it is my neighborhood- even if its a part I have never visited. I slowed down a little going up the hill, but made it to the top and continued on Lombardy as it went back down on the other side. I looked up and saw the back of the hillside I normally see across the Huntington Dr. valley from my house. I had never seen the back of it before!
The road curved around and ended at Eastern. I realized if I went to the right, I could come right back to Huntington where I first turned. If I went to the left, I could find the El Sereno Recreation Center where the pool was at. I went to the left and crossed the street. There was a big Elementary School there on Eastern and a a large baseball field with about 4-5 diamonds next to it. That was part of the Rec Center. I have a friend who lives in El Sereno and goes to Wilson High who is an Umpire. I bet that is where he works! I kept looking out at all the games to see if he was there- but it was mostly girls softball and no sign of my friend.
At the corner of the fields I made a right and started going up (yes- uphill again) Klamath Place. Right above the fields was the center. I guess I expected something different. I didnt see a swimming pool, so I walked up and found the doors, and grabbed a schedule of hours. Then I walked around the building and realized it was an indoor pool with sliding panels that can be opened to the outside. I guess that's a good thing for laps- to not be outside- though I guess I wont get a tan as a byproduct of laps there. Ha!
I left the pool and continued up Klamath Place to Richlieu and took a left. At this point its getting really hot. I keep expecting there to be more shade on the streets, but its like there are no trees? At least none that are giving off shade. I make it to the end of the street and turn left on Druid. This whole time I have been consulting a little piece of paper which I wrote some brief directions on. Its a strange feeling not knowing where I am going or what the terrain is like- but nice to know that the directions have all been accurate.
Druid ends up being a big hill too. I am huffing and puffing as I go up, slowing down a little and breathing out loud. I keep saying- and start saying it out loud- "I can do this, I am doing this, I did it." I had my hands on my hips and felt the pull in my right hip as I went up, but I kept going. I reached the top and the street became Multnomah. I looked to the left and there was a beautiful High School that was reminiscent of LA in the 60's. Had a very "modern" feel for that era. Was probably 3-4 stories tall and lots of trees. I think this is where my friend goes to school and i have another friend who subs there. I know this street connects to Soto and I have driven by it a bunch in the past but never taken it.
I start going back down Multnomah and take turns jogging and walking. I notice "Ascot Hills" entrance and think that must have been where the Asoct Raceway used to be. Where Cary Grant used to race cars in the El Sereno Valley back in the 40's. I keep going down the hill and see the big warehouses on Soto ahead. I see the three radio towers that sit on the back of the hill across the valley from my house. They seem so much lower up close. I thought they were on the top of the mountain!
I get to Soto and instead of going to the right and heading home, I decide to go left and cut over to Lincoln Park. After all, I am only at 6.5 miles right now and need to be at 8miles to finish my workout. Its about 1pm now and Offramp has just finished on NPR. This American Life is just beginning.
I am walking on the left side of Soto, on a tiny piece of sidewalk along an arid hillside of dirt. there not much room on the sidewalk and I think I hear (out of the left ear without the headphone in) someone behind me. I take a quick look when I hear the crackling of dry brush and notice someone. I figure he wants to walk past me, so I go to the right side of the sidewalk and start walking faster. My head is bouncing a little between fear of having someone attack me- that "dark-alley-someone-following-you" feeling and the feeling of some lone runner passing you on the road.
All of a sudden I head someone say "Hi" on my right side (the side with the earphone) and I just about jump out of my skin. "ARGH!- You scared the hell out of me. I have in an earphone."
"Oh sorry. Hi- how are you doing?", he says.
"I'm fine", I say- wondering what this person wants and still not sure I WON'T get attacked. He's not the most unassuming person. He is about 5'11, heavy-ish, wearing a MISFITS t-shirt and shorts that don't look like they are intended for jogging, since he is pulling them up as he walks. He has a little bit of a moustache coming in and black hair with acne scars. He looks like he could eaither be nice or menacing. I am nervous because there are no other people walking on this street and only the occasional car. And I don't know what he wants. My initial thought when he said "hi" was to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"- kick him in the balls and run. But I wasn't even sure if I had that energy.
"I saw you walking and I was walking too, so I thought we could walk together." He says
"Oh. A... Ok" I am still feeling uncomfortable. The whole scene doesn't really add up.
"What's your name?"
I debate whether I should tell him my real name. I remind myself I am supposed to be honest and that will protect me, so I say "Noelle. What's yours?"
"Eric. Do you stay around here?" There it is, feels like he's trying to pick up on me.
"Sort of. I'm training for the LA Marathon so I am getting miles in." I say shortly.
"Yea- I am gonna do one of those sometime."
"Do you live nearby?" I am not sure if I should even be asking anything or carrying on a conversation. Part of me thinks I should just ignore him and be a bitch. The other part of me is afraid if I do that, it might set him off an he might attack me.
"Yea I live close by. Do you do this often?" Starts to feel like he's picking up on me again.
"About 3-4 times during this training. You?"
"Yea- like 2-3x a week. But sometimes I get lazy and don't do it. You know."
I am still feeling uncomfortable so I take a shot at a different tactic. "This is the part where I run." I take off running down the side of Soto toward Valley. A bit to my surprise, he is running alongside me. I have a flash in my head that if only I hadn't done 6.5 miles already I would have more energy to run faster and out run him, instead of him staying close. I slow down as I reach Valley. I just can't run anymore and I say "I'm going this way to the park" He slows down and follows along.
The he continues, "So what do you do?"
"I work in Burbank. So I drive a lot. What about you?"
"I work at UPS close by." he says
"Sounds like a good job. How long have you done that?" I say. Thinking, maybe there's an opening coming to tell him I am not interested?
"Yea its good. I've been there 7 years. Even with the economy, we haven't really lost jobs. I mean, just some new people got laid off. but everyone is still shipping things."
"Yeah- my husband applied for a job there. It was during the holidays, but i guess they had enough people at the time. Seems like a good job." THERE IT IS. I got my in to drop the whole 'I'm married' thing. I could see he was looking a little disappointed. But it didn't seem to stop him entirely. It was like shooting a bear in the shoulder. It wasn't a kill shot, he was just slowed down.
"So do you have kids at home?"
"Nope. Just kitties. But I like watching all the parties here in the park." We had finally arrived at Lincoln Park and there were lots of people/ witnesses. At this point, I was less concerned that I would be attacked- but still had my sensors up.
"Look, I can't lie. I like you. You got some nice curves. That's why I came up to you."
"Thank you. That's very nice."
"No I'm serious. I mean it."
"Thank you. I appreciate it. But I am happily married."
"Yeah. Ok." The kill shot.
"Listen. I am going to cut through the park now." I looked at him and made sure he knew that wasn't an invitation, but that i was going to leave. I wasn't interested.
He says "Ok".
"Have a nice day, Eric"
And I started to run. I knew I had made it out of that. I didn't have enough energy to run for a long time, but still had some adrenaline. So I went for as long as I could with my head reeling. This situation brought up so many feeling I have about my body. While it was nice to get the compliment. And even nicer that it was from someone who, looking back, I could imagine being a guy in High School who was not a serial rapist, but probably stayed home playing video games. He was probably kind of shy. I am glad I didn't try the "bitch" mode- he didn't deserve that. instead I was honest and nice. That was good. I walked through the fear and think I was successful in the end.
I went through the park and over to Mission. I walked the usual route back up Mission, past Broadway and to Turquoise. Up the street till it became Pyrites and to my doorstep. I stopped the Nike+ workout and saw I had actually gone 8.55 miles. By running a little bit at a time, I had increased my overall average pace from 17.3min mile to a 16.25 min mile. I peeled off my gear and ran a cold bath and cleaned up, tried to "de-swell" my hands, and checked my knees. A little swelling there- but no real heat rash to speak of. I think that only happens when I go 9 miles or more. The powder def helped again.
After my shower, I started thinking about this run and the interaction with Eric. It made me realize some of the fear I have with my body. I want attention, but I don't want the "unwanted attention". And now that I am married, what is the difference between that wanted/ unwanted attention? The fact that I don't wear tight shirts, because I am afraid someone will stare at me and maybe attack me, is real. Its part of the reason I have never been able to loose the weight I need to. Because I am afraid to do it. Afraid to loose my "armour". My "fat suit".
Maybe dealing with this today- walking/ jogging out unscathed- not being the jerk and getting a nice compliment in the end, is a sign that I might be ready to make the change. To loose weight and be the woman I know I am inside. To not be afraid of how beautiful I might be inside. To not be afraid of the reaction I will get. I am feeling like, if I can finish this marathon, anything is possible and the world is just opening for me.