i had decided back at the end of march I was gonna train to walk this thing. i know there must be other people walking as well for their own reasons. but as I draw closer to the date of the event, I am getting nervous. i don't know if I am self sabotaging or what- but without having ever done an event like this (or any running event) i am starting to feel unprepared? I am so glad i had the Nike + stats showing me that I have accrued 237 miles leading up to this so far and I am on my way out to do 8 right now. But its getting scary.
i was reading the la marathon instructions and they are talking about the 13+ min pacers- and my fastest average pace is 17 min mile. i guess I just don't want to miss out, or not get my time recorded or something . i want to make sure it feels like it was worth all the work i did or something. i am trying to be brave- but have to admit- as it gets closer i am having those negative feelings creep in, like i might not make it and it will be all for nothing... and i know this has been about the journey and not the end- but now as I reach the end- it feels like it is about the end. and I know i am not mad that Hirono wont be there with me- but today I am feeling very alone in this. i don't even know what to tell people who want to be there for me on the track! I am afraid i wont be part of the whole excitement at all! and even though i feel like i want the whole world cheering for me, there is a part of me that wants to isolate and tell no one to come, in case i fail. or because i don't want them to be bothered since i will take forever to finish. i guess i am just feeling less than... is this normal?
i guess i need to just put one foot in front of the other and get out there today. "i am a marathoner" i know where i am right now. that is the only place i can be. hopefully by the end of my 8 miles today I will really feel that way.
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you ARE a marathanor!
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